Friday, July 20, 2012

You Might Be a Cop If...

Dedicated to my dearest husband, who laughed at every last one of these...

Disclaimer: I did not create this list... I don't necessarily agree with the points of view presented in this list... This list is for entertainment purposes.... Lighten up, everyone!

You might be a cop if...

•You have the bladder capacity of five people.
•You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
•Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery and a car chase.
•You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
•Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
•You find humor in other people's stupidity.
•You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
•You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
•You have your weekends off planned for a year.
•You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
•You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
•A little "stick time" has nothing to do with baseball.
•(Can you say "TAZER"???)
•You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which its located.
•You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it right the first time."
•You have ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
•You believe the Watch Sgt. is a crap magnet possessed by a demon.
•Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
•You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
•The person you're speaking with states, "That's not mine. I have no idea how that got there."
•You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .15
•You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
•People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places.
•You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.
•You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.
•You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
•You do not see daylight from November until May.
•People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.
•You've ever started a sentence with the phrase "We had this awesome dead body earlier. You should have seen it."
•A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and 5 pairs of underwear.
•You've ever referred to Thursday as "My Monday".
•You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.
•Anyone has ever said, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."

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